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Thursday, July 18, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Bob Bonilla Is Another Mil Richer Today

July 1st. 3 days before America celebrates their independence, we celebrate the Mets’ lack thereof. For many, it’s just another hot, sticky day in the thick of summer. But for Bobby Bonilla, it’s a hot, sticky day in the thick of summer with a cool milly being dropped into his checking account. In 2000, the Mets made a financial decision so gloriously ridiculous that only the Mets could. The Bob Valentine in a disguise of financial decisions. They decided to defer Bobby Bonilla’s $5.9 million contract, spreading it out over 25 years starting in 2011. Now, every July 1st, the Mets pay Bobby Bonilla $1.19 million. Yes. One point one nine million. Bobby Bonilla, who retired in 2001, is still making a cool million-plus every year for merely staying alive.

Imagine this: you’re sipping a cool drink sitting by the pool, playing in a charity celebrity softball game, chilling at a local bar avoiding your wife and kids, or whatever else retired MLB players do, when your phone buzzes with a notification. “$1.19 million has been deposited into your account.” That’s Bob’s reality. It’s the ultimate retirement plan. But how did this happen? The Mets, in a stroke of financial genius (or madness), thought they could invest the saved money and earn a higher return. The irony? Their investments tanked, and now they’re stuck with an annual reminder. It’s like Christmas, but instead of Christ being born, the Mets were just dumb. Meanwhile, Bob is Chuck winning the golden ticket. But instead of touring the chocolate factory with his gimpy grandpa, he can just buy the damn factory. July 1st isn’t just the first day of July. It’s forever a day to laugh at the Metropolitans. So, here’s to you, Bob Bonilla. May your first of July continue to be filled with laughter, joy, and the sweet sound of cash registers. And to the Mets, thank you for giving us this annual reminder that in the game of life, the Mets will always be good for a laugh. Can’t wait till you ink Grimace with the exact same contract!

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin