Today is May 10, 2011 and this really only means one thing: 23 days until the national spelling bee. Every year, the Scripps National Spelling Bee brings with it new opportunities for triumph. Every year brings with it a new chance for one child to go down in the history books. Every year brings with it fresh opportunities for me to make money.
That’s right, if you didn’t get your bets in on time for the Kentucky Derby, don’t worry. This year’s national spelling bee should prove to be a cash cow for the intelligent sports gambler.
The key to betting on spelling bees is simple really, you just can’t think of the competitors as people. I think of them more as little robots with hair and parents, and betting on them is no longer confined to the teacher’s lounge at your local middle school. The internet is great for two main things: stalking, and taking everyday events and turning them into things to gamble over. I actually just bet $5 that Libya won’t be liberated before July.
With all of these money-making opportunities right at our fingertips, we might as well cash-in on these little brainiacs. But you have to be smart with your betting.
For example, some of my favorite categories to bet on include: Gender of winner; Winner’s home state; Winner to wear glasses; and the always exciting, Will a contestant vomit during the spelling bee. All of these categories are guaranteed money-makers if you follow my three simple rules.
First, never let yourself feel dumber than the kids. Sure, they seem smart up there with their big words and tiny pants, but they can’t even drive cars. Second, don’t let your emotions cloud your vision. Sure, I’d love to see the kid from my home town win, but I’d rather see that little genius from Omaha make me enough money to go clubbing with God. Finally, and this is a big one, DO NOT buy tickets to the actual event just so you can go and heckle the competitors. Apparently, it’s frowned upon and a good way to get permanently banned from Nevada.
Follow my lead, and let’s get rich. The preliminaries begin June 1 on ESPN3, with the semifinals and finals both airing June 2 on ESPN. For more info and betting odds, visit: www.spellingbee.com.