Bane Cancels Plans To Blow Up Heinz Field, Doesn’t Want To Be Seen At A Steelers Game

October 28, 2013October 28, 2013 Austin

PITTSBURGH- Long-time Batman villain and Matt Holliday look alike Bane has cancelled his plans to blow up Heinz Field because it would require him to attend a Pittsburgh Steelers game.

“Yeah, I had this extensive plan to lure the city’s entire police force underground while I blew up Heinz Field,” Bane admitted on the airwaves of a hijacked TV channel, sounding like an airplane captain talking over a muffled loudspeaker. “But honestly, the Steelers are playing like crap, and I’d rather not be seen at a Steelers game this year.”

“Could you imagine how embarrassing that would be?” Bane added. “Like, it’s bad enough that I’m balding and have to wear this electronic spider mouth mask. Plus, I feel like my work has been taken care of for me. The Steelers have been enough of a disaster already.”

The Steelers are currently on pace to have their worst season since 1988.

“I should blow up the stadium of a good team, like the Seahawks or something,” Bane continued. Upon hearing this, Seahawks fans became ecstatic, thinking that could help them reclaim their loudest stadium world record from Kansas City.

Pittsburgh’s most notable vigilante not named Ben Roethlisberger, Batman, actually agreed with his arch-villain Bane in a news conference held outside the police station.

Bruce Wayne Parents Death — Watching a Steelers game is like…

“Honestly, watching the Steelers this year reminds me of watching my parents getting killed right in front of me,” Batman said in an uncomfortably deer voice. “Except, watching my parents’ murder was easier.”

Coincidentally, Pittsburgh playboy/billionaire and guy who looks a lot like Batman but definitely isn’t, Bruce Wayne also said the same thing when he arrived to the police station just minutes after Batman left.

Upon hearing the news of Bane’s cancelled plans, Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin said, “We really dodged a bullet with this.” Tomlin then let out a long sigh before continuing, “But honestly, I wish Bane would blow up our stadium. Preferably while we’re playing in it.”