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Sunday, February 16, 2025

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Awkward! Bryce Harper Apparently Signed With The San Diego Padres 3 Years Ago

SAN DIEGO – While the entire baseball world waits with bated breath, wondering where Bryce Harper will sign, it turns out the superstar outfielder signed with the San Diego Padres 3 years ago.

Apparently, he’s been a Padre since the 2016 season and no one even realized it.

“Well, color me shocked,” one baseball scout said. “I guess I just missed that.”

In his time with the Padres, they continued to be bad, but Bryce posted a .248/.390/.550/.968 slash line. That last slash is the percentage of San Diego residents who know who he is, a stat that hasn’t been reached since Tony Gwynn in 1998.

Padres television broadcaster Dan Orsillo has known Bryce Harper has been a Padre for a while. “Yeah, Bryce has been down here for a few seasons now. He’s been playing alongside Eric Hosmer, Wil Myers, and uhhh… ummm… Kevin? There’s a Kevin on the team, right? I dunno. I usually check out by June anyways.”

Obviously the signing sent shockwaves through the San Diego area as Padres attendance over the last few years has risen from 8,000 fans per game to 8,006 fans per game.

“I guess his signing just got lost in the shuffle with the Chargers moving to L.A. and everything,” lifelong San Diego resident Robert Miguel said.

The current feeling around baseball is awkward. One anonymous GM said, “You know that old adage, ‘if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a noise?’ Well, apparently if Bryce Harper signs with the Padres, it doesn’t make a noise.”

So now it appears most MLB clubs will shift their focus to Manny Machado, who they didn’t even know was a player until he was traded to Los Angeles in July.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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