All Athletes Want For Christmas Is…

Some sports stars seem to have it all this holiday season, but after I started doing some interviewing, I began to see that even though they have all the money and fame, they still want other things as well.

Charles Barkley wants two things: 1. for you to watch him on Saturday Night Live on January 7th, 2012, and 2. for people to start calling him Sir Charles again.

David Beckham wants three things for Christmas: 1. He would like to change the name of the Galaxy to anything else, 2. He would like his wife to eat a sandwich or anything else, and 3. He would like her to have one more sandwich after that.

Alex Rodriguez would like to not have blue eyes because then maybe Madonna would leave him alone already.

Kim Zmeskal would like to be known for more than her body.

LeBron James would like to be a Pheonix. As in University of Phoenix. As in he wants to go to online college.

Larry Bird is asking for short shorts to come back in style, in time for the new NBA season to start.

Picaboo Street is just asking for a new sport to learn in case Global Warming really takes off.  Also she is asking that people stop doing that peek-a-boo thing when they meet her for the first time. She insists that it does get less funny over time.

Dominique Dawes is asking that she would get to play the sister of Zoe Saldana in the next Avatar movie.  Dominique would also ask that people stop asking if she played Lisa Turtle on Saved by the Bell.

Michelle Kwan would like to thank Tonya Harding for not seeing her as a threat.

Peyton and Eli Manning would like a Christmas where their dad didn’t talk about how they are ruining fantasy football or what life would have been like if one of his sons would actually do something worth while.

Cooper Manning would like a new non-athletic family.

Andy Roddick would like to do more with his next thirty years. Maybe eat a few more salads and not stay up so late. Maybe drink more lemonade and not so many beers. And, I don’t know, maybe win a grand slam.

Tim Tebow wants more eye black. Also, for every girl to stop trying to propose to him. And finally he would like for the aforementioned girls to start ranking the brilliance of his blue eyes on a scale of 1 to Frank Sinatra.

Oh, and Tim Tebow is also asking for World Peace.

No, not you, Metta.

Lastly, Tim Tebow is asking for kids to stop getting in trouble for taking a knee in the hallways of their schools, and to not get in trouble for wearing those jeans with pockets big enough for math books. Or any other sinful nonsense.

Tim had more requests that I didn’t have time to write down. I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays and thanks for spending some time in The Ladies Room. Don’t forget to wash your hands on your way out. I know I do.

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This post is a part of our bi-weekly The Ladies Room posts for Korked Bats.

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