After Head Coach’s Firing, Ole Miss Players Threaten To Transfer, Confirming Administrator’s Decision

Matt Luke has been fired as the head coach of the Ole Miss Rebels after leading the team to a 4-8 season in his third season.

According to multiple reports, while Ole Miss athletic director Keith Carter addressed the team of the decision, multiple players angrily stormed out of the meeting.

“At first, I thought they were storming out to go to the bathroom,” Carter said. “Lord knows this team’s had a problem with urinating at inopportune times lately.

“But I soon realized they were storming out because of our decision to fire Coach Luke. That’s when I knew we made the right decision.”

Carter said he’s hopeful the players who stormed out will now either quit or transfer.

“A head coach is held responsible for the wins-loss record, but let’s be real, Saban couldn’t get bowl eligible with these kids,” said Carter.

Carter called the situation like “killing two birds with one stone.”

“If the players leave with Matt Luke, then great! They were just as bad as he was! I mean, Matt Luke wasn’t the one who gave up over 400 yards at home to Cal. CAL! THE CALIFORNIA GOLDEN BEARS! FROM THE PAC-12!” Carter shouted while throwing a stack of papers into the air.

“The defense this year played like LITERAL land sharks. As in sharks who were washed up onto land and laid around lifelessly,” Carter made sure to add while taking a sip of his hot tea which we’re pretty sure was spiked with obnoxious amounts of bourbon.

When asked who he would get to fill the team’s roster spots if the players actually do quit or transfer, Carter said he’d find someone. “Maybe the Rebellettes? Not like anyone would be able to tell a difference.”

Carter wants the next head coach to have the ability to go undefeated in football to match the school’s undefeated party record.