Saturday, May 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

A Study Of Which MLB Fan Bases Drink The Most Has Dropped And We Have Thoughts

source: x

This thing is pretty self-explanatory. A ranking of how much each team’s fan bases drinks per game, with an additional note on how much they spend per game. Let’s break this down by select teams…

Atlanta Braves

C’mon, Braves. I love you, but I’m a little disappointed. I know finishing second is kinda your thing, but with consuming alcohol?? You literally have Waffle Houses in your stadium. And we all know you’re not allowed to eat at a Waffle House outside of breakfast hours without being hammered. You better correct that this year and win it all… which you very well might do on the field too.

St. Louis Cardinals

If there’s one thing St. Louis knows more than baseball, it’s beer. How on earth did they finish fifth from the bottom? Also, only $28 on average spent on alcohol?? Did they buy one beer? I’ve been to Busch. And I’ve been in debt ever since. I never thought I’d say this, but you need to step your beer game up, St. Louis. You’re down there hovering around with the California teams. And you know they don’t drink because of gluten and stuff. I’m not mad, just disappointed. Nolan Arenado won’t be able to fix this problem.

Chicago White Sox

They actually used to be ranked 25th on this list, but then they hired Tony La Russa.

Milwaukee Brewers

How do you finish tenth in this ranking when your team name is literally the Brewers?? Ya know, ever since you took Miller out of your stadium’s name, you guys have really changed. You’ve become really American Family friendly.

Colorado Rockies

At least one beer stadium (or former beer stadium) is holding up their namesake and finishing in the top 6. Although, after the offseason we just witnessed, they may skyrocket up the charts this season.

I’m really sorry, Rockies fans. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Chicago Cubs

Look, I know I’m kinda zoning in on the midwestern darlings of Major League Baseball, but that’s only because I expected more out of you guys. I don’t expect high alcohol intake from either coast. But the heart of the country? You guys should be drinking laps around the rest of the league. Especially, you Cubs! What happened to the Bleacher Bums? Have they been gentrified along with the rest of Wrigleyville?

Los Angeles Dodgers

Look, I get it. Dodger Stadium is a stone’s throw (or a former Yasiel Puig miss-his-cutoff-man throw) away from Hollywood, and image is everything in that city. I mean, heaven forbid you drink a carb. But 2.7 drinks per game? People get more liquored up during communion. You’re the world champs. Start drinking like it.

Miami Marlins

They average 3.3 drinks per game. That means their fan buys 3.3 drinks.

Pittsburgh Pirates

Shoutout to A.D. and his Buccos. Finishing middle of the pack for this current iteration of the Pirates should feel like a huge win. I just find it ironic that their fans spend more on beer per game than their front office does on players.

Philadelphia Phillies

They finished last only because they do all of their drinking in the parking lot before the game.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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