A Recap of ‘The Last Dance’ – Episodes 1 & 2
Before you start reading this, go ahead and cue the Alan Parsons Project as background music…
Take a second to recognize the graphics in that intro video. In the mid 90s, this was the greatest animation money could buy. It was Wolfenstein 3D on a jumbotron, but at the time, it. might as well have been an actual bull running through the real streets of Chicago. It was so high tech!
As for the docuseries The Last Dance itself, how good were those first two episodes? Awesome, right? Ndamukong Suh rated it a 2 fire emojis.
I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely familiar with Suh’s Grading Scale. Is that two fire emojis out of five? ten? two?! Regardless, Tom Brady’s teammate says gives it two fire emojis up.
Didn’t it just feel good to all be watching something together live for the first time since… well… sports? Knowing that we were all watching the same thing in real time in our own homes (at safe social distances)?
EPISODE 1
I’m going to break this thing down by the most memorable things of the episode. The characters, moments, Bill Wennington’s facial hair, etc. So naturally, we have to start right where the documentary did.
Jerry Krause
If you made a documentary about the 1997-98 Bulls, how would you start it? Michael Jordan making a bet on a golf course? A Phil Jackson motivational speech? Maybe an interview with whoever died Dennis Rodman’s hair?
Yeah, this doc did none of the above.
This thing came out swinging from the opening bell on one man and one man only: Jerome “Jerry” Krause.
The Last Dance felt like Scream where you knew Drew Barrymore was going to be in the movie, but they (SPOILER WARNING for anyone who hasn’t seen the 24-year-old movie) tied her to a tree and gutted her within the first 15 minutes of the movie. Jerry Krause was the shorter, fatter Drew Barrymore in this movie and they absolutely murdered him right off the bat.
Obviously, the docuseries is called The Last Dance, so you knew that the entire Jerry vs. the rest of the organization feud would be the backbone of the entire season storyline, but you’d figure they’d wait until Episode 4, maybe episode 2 at the earliest before they got into all that.
NOPE!
They said let’s piss on Jerry Krause’s grave before the opening credits finish rolling, making him the new Carole Baskin of quarantine – maybe worse. And for the most part, it’s fair. The 90s Bulls became a clashing of some of the biggest egos in the history of sports, and Jerry Krause wanted a slice of that credit pie. Ultimately, he’s responsible for the dismantling the success of that franchise, but he’s also responsible for building the success of that franchise. In fact, let me provide a brief defense of Jerry Krause:
- He’s no James Dolan.
- He actually built this iconic winning dynasty.
- He’s no longer around to defend himself.
- He’s no James Dolan.
There. That’s all I got. But are we really going to sit here and rip on a guy as he RIPs somewhere 6-feet under the earth? Yes, apparently. So let’s go.
Jerry Krause was short and fat, which is not a great combo for someone working around some of the most pristine athletic specimens on the planet. So this also played against him. Plus, I’m not going to say he had a Napoleon complex. Rather, I’ll say Napoleon had a Jerry Krause complex. Maybe Jerome is a genius? If you think about it, it’s kinda smart to dismantle a team after their second three-peat in 8 years. You don’t want to dominate too much in sports, right?
Although, this battle of power within an organization that ultimately leads to a break up does sound eerily familiar.
Michael Jordan, himself
We all know the Jordan brand is one of the best branding organizations on the planet, so it only made sense that Jordan, himself, stayed on brand during his interviews… with a tall glass of whiskey on his table. As the episodes went deeper, you could see his eyes get more and more red and more and more glazed over. Credit to filmmaker, Jason Hehir, here, because he clearly know you’re not going to get anything good out of a sober Michael Jordan.
Although, his glass was still pretty full when he gave us some of the juiciest content of Episode 1…
First there was Crying Jordan, now we have Laughing Jordan. Let’s be real. The 80s were a different time. People were doing cocaine like
There wasn’t a team in the 80s who wasn’t doing cocaine. So with that said, think about how much cocaine a team would have to do to not only stand out from other NBA teams, but to garner the nickname The Bulls Traveling Cocaine Circus. Also, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the Cocaine Circus. It’s called Cirque du Soleil.
I should point out that there were a lot of intense Jordan glares throughout the first two episodes. This being one of them.
Michael Jordan’s Mom
Hello, Mrs. Jordan! I don’t know how, but Jordan’s mom looks younger than LeBron’s mom. Hell, she looks younger than LeBron. What is her secret? She looked like a million bucks (which ironically, is less than Scottie Pippen made in his entire career, apparently). Her skin is smoother than her son’s 15-footer. Does Jordan brand make moisturizer? And if so, does she use ALL of it? I mean, damn gurl… not girl… but gurl!
A lot of people give Steve Kerr credit for aging the least from the late 90s to today, but that’s only because Jordan’s mom somehow reversed her age from the 90s to today.
Bob Costas’ Hair
Never again will I look at a Lego man’s hair and say it looks unrealistic. I mean, damn, Bob! Most people take their helmet off after biking to work, but you clearly preferred to wear yours on TV.
This is Bob when he worked at WGN in Chicago, while simultaneously working for Century 21, apparently. This was in the 80s and he was obviously really young here. Almost as young as Michael Jordan’s mom is today. What’s a worse look? Bob’s Olympics pinkeye or his Spaceballs haircut? I say it’s a toss up.
UNC
We got a deep look into Jordan’s time at North Carolina during a time before the ceiling was the roof. We got a deep look into their run to a national title during Jordan’s freshman year, his time under Dean Smith, and his name change from Mike to Michael. If you’re curious as to what fake courses Jordan took during his time there, they conveniently didn’t get into that.
Former Presidents of the United States of America
Both Barack Hussein Obama and William Jefferson Clinton made interview cameos in this documentary. The 44th and 42nd presidents of our great country. So how were they introduced?
Former Chicago Resident and Former Arkansas Governor
Imagine working most of your adult life to become the President of the United States of America, the leader of the free world, only to be known years later in a documentary as “Former Chicago resident” or “Former governor of The Natural State.” Woof. ESPN did these guys dirtier than Jordan did Bryon Russell.
Sidney Moncreif
Ahh, yes. The NBA’s greatest rivalries: Wilt Chamberlain vs. Bill Russell, Bird vs. Magic, and who can forget those epic showdowns between Michael Jordan and… what the hell?? SIDNEY MONCREIF?
If you had no idea who Sidney Moncreif was coming into this doc, you would’ve left thinking he was the Joker to Jordan’s Batman. But like Heath Ledger’s Joker (R.I.P.) we only got him in one movie, so it’s not like it was this huge thing. Honestly, Jerry Krause was more of a threat to Jordan’s success than Sidney Moncreif?? Am I saying that right? Sid-ney, Mon-crief?
Click the right arrow for the recap of Episode 2…
