A Recap Of The Bachelorette From A Guy – Episode 5
Pool Basketball, Err, Sorry… Splash Ball!
If you fell asleep during the random, mid-episode After The Final Rose, then you missed the best part of the episode. Not just Tayshia doing her best Halle Berry as a Bond girl impression, but the guys got to put on speedos and play pool basketball… wait, sorry… what ABC called Splash Ball?
Not to go too far off topic here, but why the hell did they call it Splash Ball and not just pool basketball or water basketball? Does someone have a trademark on that? Why do I feel like the Bachelorette producers are the kinds of people who say “have a catch” instead play catch?
The game went smooth for a while, until Spencer proved to be the only guy in the pool giving effort. Every other guy was playing with the effort you would give if you were playing pool basketball on vacation, because you know, they were playing pool basketball (sorry, Splash Ball!) on vacation. So Spencer’s aggressiveness was not sitting well with the guys, especially Riley. Who elbowed Spencer in the face.
Since Spencer was the only one giving Russell Westbrook type effort, his team obviously won. The prize? A barbecue with Tayshia. But the real drama started later that night at the cocktail party.
Spencer casually made a comment about “getting the W” during the Splash Ball game, but he adds getting the date rose would be the “ultimate W.” Riley (the guy who busted his lip) says, “I think I owe you for my cracked ribs.” Then Spencer claps back, “I think we’re even, dude. If you need any more, let me know.” Oh snap. Riley was not about that.
That’s when Boy Band Manager Kenny steps in and says, “Don’t take this the wrong way — you kind of come off like a dick.” Lol, Classic! It’s funny because it’s true. Spencer, despite his piercing eyes, is a bit of a dick. Or, as some may call him, a douche.
Also…
Side Note: We Need To Talk About Kenny
Since this is my first recap, I haven’t been able to share my take on Kenny, the boy band manager. Lol. What year is it?! What’s Spencer’s job? A Blockbuster Video manager? What does Jason do? A Razor Scooter stuntman? How about Blake? Is he a Tamagotchi Nanny?
Look, I’m never going to make fun of anyone’s livelihood. Especially as I sit here running a comedic sports blog. But I will say the only thing more embarrassing than being a boy band manager in 2020, is having seen Kenny’s boy band perform… twice!
…and that would be me.
No joke. I’ve seen Kenny and his crew perform a few times, and I’ll be real. It’s a hella fun time. A blast of nostalgia, they’re very talented, and having gotten drinks with them, they’re fun guys. If they ever come to your area, check them out.
Also, I think the things he said to Clare after she broke up with all the guys at the same time were a little harsh, but I also think he was the victim of really bad editing. They doctored that scene to make it seem more dramatic than it obviously was. I still roll on Team Kenny. Even with half his shirt always unbuttoned.
Ok, Back To The Spencer Drama
Riley tells Spencer, “If you want to f*** with me, we can go.” Spencer did not want to f*** with him though. Wanna know how I know? Because he mumbled, “Okay… noted.”
But then, back in the confessional, when Riley was gone, Tough Guy Spencer showed back up and said, “I can totally tell there’s a little bit of jealousy because I’m doing well with Tayshia. I just have to keep it moving — all gas, no breaks — and get that group date rose.”
See what I mean? Total douche. Who says ‘all gas, no breaks’ when pursuing a woman?
Anyway, Tayshia gives Eazy the group date rose. Eazy choice, IMO.
Jason Leaves
Jason was like super hung up on Clare. Why? I guess he has a thing for women who only like talking about “their journey” and Dale. So he goes to meet Tayshia at her apartment and tell her he can’t continue on the show – like I said, the older the contestants, the less likely they’re there for Instagram clout. So he basically tells her thanks, but no thanks, proving that Jason is either extremely mature or racist. Let’s hope for the former.
Let’s finish up with the one-on-one date and the Questions of the Week.
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