A Recap Of The Bachelorette From A Guy – Episode 5
But First A Word On Clare’s Part Of The Season
Full disclosure: I was stoked for an older Bachelorette. The show has skewed so young over the last decade, it got to be more about building your Instagram following than “the right reasons.” And don’t even get me started about the people who don’t come on the show for the right reasons.
If you’re young enough to know about The Hype House or if you can name one or more Sway Boys on TikTok, you’re too young for The Bachelor. In fact, that should be the only question on the application for the show. Or they should go around the country to shopping malls (whichever ones are left), because if you’re old enough to still be going out to shopping malls, you’re old enough to be on the show.
I don’t know about you, but when I was in my early 20’s I was more focused on eating cheap sandwiches than I was love. So I can’t imagine what some of these young people thing when they win, and then get proposed to at like 22 years old.
“Will you marry me?”
“Only if you promise to sign off on rental cars for me for the next 3 years.”
And if you watch any of the original seasons of The Bachelor, you’ll notice that all of the contestants looked old enough to pay off home loans. So personally, I was glad to know the show was getting back to the age of people who are legitimately ready to settle down and look for love.
But then I watched the first few episodes this season, and good gosh, was I wrong.
Claire sucked.
No offense, of course.
She was just extra. It was like she went to a Hannah B. TedTalk and came out ready to scorch the earth of anyone who would dare stand in her way of true love. It felt like every thing that came out of her mouth was meant to be some empowering speech. Take it easy, Churchill. And then she ends up finding love like 13 minutes into the first episode. Wait, what?
Step aside, 90-Day Fiance. Apparently The Bachelor is now 90-Second Fiance. It feels like when 15 Minute Abs became 8 Minute Abs and then 7 Minute Abs and then just got shorter and shorter. Pretty sure now they’re down to ‘Just Think About Your Abs For 10 Seconds.’ Does everything have to move so damn fast nowadays? There are editors hired on this show for a reason. Take your time, people!
But Clare settled on some dude named Dale. And when I say some dude, I mean some dude. As in, he could be literally any dude on Earth. Even water thinks this dude has no flavor. Don’t get me wrong. He’s a good looking guy. Great smile. Pretty sure he used to play pro sports. But past that, he was just… meh. Let’s just say his personality matches the personality you’d expect from a Dale. But I guess you need that yin to balance out the female Tony Robbins’ yang. And that smile will come in handy when he’s forced to sit around and listen to one of Clare’s speeches about being a powerful woman or something. Side note: Nothing against powerful women, but I’m pretty sure the most powerful women don’t have to tell other people they’re powerful women, ya know?
Anyway, I wish them nothing but the best. Mainly because I don’t want either of them to be single again to where their personalities will show back up on Bachelor In Paradise or something.
Ok, let’s get to Tayshia. And this latest episode.
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