The Rest of The Episode

The rest of the episode was spent showing us zany clips of Peter and Chris Harrison crashing Bachelor Watch Parties across the L.A. area, which were all clearly set up ahead of time, because I’ve been to many Bachelor Watch Parties in my day and never once was there a single streamer or balloon, let alone an entire decorative theme complete with a four-course meal featuring a Chris Harrison-decorated dessert. In fact, the most effort that’s ever been put into a Bachelor watch party I’ve been to was a half-eaten bag of Flipz chocolate covered pretzels and a bottle of Yellow Tail.

Oh, I should also point out that Peter’s parents joined in on their party crashing, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. In fact, I only got three hours of sleep last night because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Why? Why did they come with him?

And of course, there was a bloopers segment. Honestly, I wish I was able to get as excited about anything as much as the live-studio audience gets over Bachelor Bloopers.

And the final fifteen minutes of the episode were set aside to address the issue of online bullying. To be honest, I thought this was good on ABC to do. They very easily could’ve swept the topic aside and not dedicated valuable airtime to it, but they did. It felt like one of those old after-school specials or a video you’d watch in guidance in elementary school, but it was helpful, it was awkward, and most of all it was powerful.

Look, I make a lot of jokes in these recaps about the people on this show, but it’s all in jest, and never in my life would I wish ill-will toward anyone on the show, let alone comment directly on their social media with such hate and vitriol. If you’re one of those people, stop for two seconds to think if one person commented something nasty on your photo. Now multiply that one nasty comment by hundreds if not thousands.

We need to bring back the old saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Except we should amend it, “If you don’t have anything nice to type, don’t type anything at all.”

Questions of the Week

Each week, I’ll answer some questions about that week’s episode.

Who Won The Night?

The guy who had to carry out the gigantic bottle of champagne

I assure you that was a giant bottle of champagne despite the fact this guy somehow made it look normal size.

Who gets my rose this week?

Hannah Ann AND Victoria F.

Only for standing there patiently freezing as Peter waited for Madison to show up.

Did Hannah B. show up in this episode?

No.

But man, I thought for sure she was going to pop her head up in the Women Tell All, a promo, or a blooper of some sort. Should we be worried? Because if she was healthy, ABC would’ve definitely exploited her for this episode.

What is your prediction for next week based on the trailer?

Kudos to ABC for keeping this finale so tightly wrapped. I legitimately have no idea what’s going to happen. The only things I can assure you of is the fact that Hannah Ann and Peter have kids together.

And when I say kids, I mean baby kangaroos. Like this horny one who wouldn’t stop staring as they made out.

I can also assure you that we’re finally going to figure out who Peter’s mom is talking about when she says “Bring her home, bring her to us.”

Also, does she remind anyone else of the Mista Mista lady from Happy Gilmore when she says that?

Until next week… Buh-bye (PP).