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Thursday, July 18, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

A Farewell To DeMar DeRozan, The Greatest Chicago Bull of All Time

Dear DeMar DeRozan,

Where do we even begin? It’s been a few days since the sign and trade went down and I still find myself grasping at straws to try and find the words to encapsulate arguably the greatest era of Chicago Bulls basketball ever. And it’s all because of the man who wore #11.

Who can possibly forget your cool 27.9 points per game in the 2021-2022 season? Iconic. There’s no chance anyone has ever even come close to that. I don’t even have to look it up. This dude tore through records the way Lonzo Ball tears through miniscusses. And what about the way you heroically led us to the play-in tournament! Pretty sure no other Bull in history has ever done that. Guess that’s what happens when you average FIVE (5!) assists per game. How do you spell DeMar? Oh yeah, it’s G-O-A-T. And speaking of assists, in a day and age of super teams and big 3’s, it’s not like you had any help. You practically dragged Zach LaVine, Nikola Vucevic, and quite literally dragged Lonzo Ball (because of the miniscusses). It was truly a one-man show, with 5 co-stars. And honestly, it was the greatest one-man show we’ve ever seen. I just wish any other generation could’ve experienced what we just witnessed in terms of Bulls basketball. Some may clamor that other players in Bulls history were better, like Bob Love, Luc Longley, or Crisitran Felicio, but those folks just don’t know ball.

And don’t get me started on the clutch performances. Wayne Gretzky, who was the DeMar DeRozan of hockey, once said you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Well, it felt like DeMar DeRozan hit 100% of the game-winning shots he did take. You can’t call yourself a sports fan without vividly remembering that one game-tying shot he hit in a regular season game against the Pacers.

And if anyone thinks that’s impressive, well, they clearly don’t know about the 82 games you played in the 2021-2022 season—every single one was a masterpiece of perseverance and reliability. We also deeply underappreciate your humility. Despite being the undisputed GOAT, with a capital O, you never let it get to your head. Your willingness to share the spotlight, and not get too ridiculously good to hog the spotlight from your teammates and others in the league might be your greatest quality.

So DeMar, thank you for your incredible service both on and off the court here in Chicago. It’s only a matter before your jersey is hanging in the rafters alongside other Bulls greats like Mike Dunleavy Jr., Ron Artest, and Lonzo Ball’s doctor.

Sincerely,

All of us in Chicago

P.S. Pretty sure you are the Bulls franchise leader for appearances in Kendrick Lamar diss track music videos

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin