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Sunday, April 21, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

A Complete List of Everyone The Tennessee Titans Cut This Week

I just got back from vacation, maybe you saw, and apparently, while I was gone, the Tennessee Titans cut everyone on their roster not named Derrick Henry. What the hell? I mean, we all knew it was coming. The Titans apparently owe Major League Baseball a luxury tax based on how far over the NFL salary cap they are. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t make sense to me either, but the point is, the Titans are like an entire NFL roster over the cap. And today was the Red Wedding, with new GM Ran Carthon being the Red Groom. (I think I went too deep into that analogy, exposing myself for never seeing Game of Thrones.) For anyone who missed the list of everyone the Titans cut yesterday, here it is.

Taylor Lewan

Probably the toughest loss of a dad I’ve seen since the Tim Burton movie Big Fish. And both of those dads love to tell stories and tall tales. TayTay was a staple of the Titans organization from the sucky days to some of their most successful. Gonna suck to not have him in two-toned blue. Still holding out hope he can re-sign for far less money, but from the looks of it, he might just be done with football altogether. The good news for him is he won’t have to worry about what’s next.

Robert Woods

Haven’t seen Trees get cut this savagely since Hexxus went to town in FernGully. How many other sports blogs do you know that’ll hit you with a casual FernGully reference? Odds are zero because 98% of people reading this probably have no idea what the hell FernGully even is. But to those 2%, you’re my people. Much love. FernGully was a cartoon about the rainforest starring Robin Williams. and like Robin Williams, Robert Woods is now donezo. But don’t worry, both are now free!

Randy Bulluck

This move was clearly made solely because they had to shed weight. SALARY! I said salary! They have to cut salary. Not to be mistaken with celery which is something ol’ Fat Randy hasn’t eaten in years. This one does kinda suck. I know he wasn’t perfect, but ol’ Randall brought stability to a position the Titans haven’t had since Ryan Succop. Hopefully the Titans can find a way to re-sign him. Not to kick, but rather to play offensive line so they don’t have to bring back Dennis Daley.

Zach Cunningham

Pretty sure Zach was merely cut not to save cap space, but more so to save Vrabel from having to answer any more questions about Cunningham.

Justin McCareins

Apparently, the Titans signed former star wideout Justin McCareins solely just to cut him again. I guess Ran Carthon has gotten bloodthirsty for cutting dudes and figured he’d cut another fan favorite from yesteryear. Wow. Ran is vicious. Then again, wouldn’t be the first time the Titans signed an old wideout, well past his prime, only to cut him shortly after.

T-Rac

Damn. Gonna miss that little rodent running around on the sidelines dancing in exotic conga outfits with oversized maracas and making costume changes every quarter. I can undoubtedly say he was the only raccoon I liked. But I get it. The NFL stands for Not For Long. Sometimes even the mascots gotta be axed. Godspeed, T.

Your Mom

Damn, just a ruthless burn by Ran Carthon.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin