3 Things I Would Rather Listen To Over Stephen A. Smith Trying To Analyze UFC Fights
Look, I understand that ESPN is going to ride with their money makers and assign them to the events that are sure to attract the most eyes. However, I’m a huge UFC fan and it makes me physically ill trying to listen to Stephen A. Smith break down the fight next to Joe Rogan (obviously, it does Joe too).
(Also, this deep-fried image is just how I imagine Joe sees everything on DMT)
I know this has been a common complaint among many UFC fans over the last couple of years, so I decided to give my take on it.
It couldn’t have come at a better time, seeing as how Stephen A. and ESPN as a whole are in hot water right now in regards to talent placement and other comments recently made by some of their top-line personalities.
So, here’s just a few things/people/noises that I would rather hear over a Stephen A Smith led UFC broadcast:
#3: TikTok Influencer/UFC Reporter Addison Rae
Does she know what the UFC is? Probably not, but she still managed to make waves recently by taking a red carpet reporter-type role, causing several thousand Twitter egg “Capital J” journalists to collectively lose their minds over their 17-year-old college degrees they earned from WriteAboutSports University. Not me though, I would rather watch millions of the most cringe-worthy TikTok’s ever created over hearing Stephen A trying to break down a Khabib chokehold.
#2: The AMBER Alert System Noise
Nothing will awaken you from a good nap like this bad boy right here. Did a child in a location 6 hours away from me just get abducted, or are we under threat of the Earth being launched into the Sun? It’s hard to tell the difference based off this eardrum-piercing screech. And, honestly, what do they expect me to do with this information? Stop the abduction myself single-handedly? Literally, every vehicle in southern middle Tennessee looks like it would fit a typical AMBER Alert description.
Why don’t they tell Stephen A. to go stop it since he can apparently do everything? Just tell him to be careful if he has to cross borders where the people may speak another language. In his opinion, that would be bad for the image of the sport of child rescuing…
#1: Any Song By The Band “Sugarland“
Normally, any song by Sugarland and lead vocalist Jennifer Nettles is enough to make me want to remove myself from the modern world and become a monk that just sits on top of a mountain for days on end. Now, the song “Stuck Like Glue” and Stephen A.’s rambling are both battling for the title of the most annoying noise in the world, and it’s looking like it could be one of those eternal battles that even our children will one day discuss.
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And speaking of the UFC, if they’re going to sit back and allow Stephen A. talk about their sport, can’t they also give Korked Bats our Instagram account back?? #FREEKORKEDBATS
