Saturday, June 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

15 Team Names That Would’ve Been Better Than The Commanders

The Washington Redskins Football Team have officially unveiled their new team name and it is…

*pathetic sounding drum roll*

The Commanders… yawn.

Look, it’s not terrible. Especially if you don’t mind being called the Commies every time your team sucks, which for this franchise seems to be often. The internet will try and tell you it’s the worst name ever. It’s not. Is it the best? Hell no. Honestly, they had the best name in football. No, not the racist one! The name Football Team. It’s hard to beat that. It explains exactly what they are in the title. It’s like a dog being named Dog. Or a kid being named Kid.

However, this is the name they’re stuck with because this franchise is too inept to even land trademarks and GoDaddy URLs before deciding to change the name. But it’s ok, it’s not like they’ve had years to do so. People have been seriously clamoring about the team’s racist name for AT MINIMUM six years. Hell, we dropped this blog in 2014 when the debate about their name change had been fueled for many years prior. But look, old news. They’re the Commanders now. And sure it’s probably a moot point by now, but we figured we’d come up with better names we wish they would’ve gone with instead of *yawn* Commanders.

the Washington Destroyers

  • kinda lame and cliche, but still better than Commanders

the Washington Pile-ons

  • not to be confused with football pylons… this would be their logo:

the Washington Soflaundry

  • sound it out and/or run it through the spin cycle, because this one’s just relatable for all of us

the Washington Hogs

  • pay homage to not only your most loyal fans for not only having to endure this team every year, but doing so in dresses

the Washington Bullets

  • bring the name back! because everyone loves PowerPoint presentations!

the Washington Huskies

  • yes, this name may be a duplicate, but instead of dogs, the mascot is a really chubby boy whose mom has to shop for plus-sized jeans

the Washington Football Team Formerly Known As Racists

  • their logo would just be a symbol

the Washington SuperSonics

  • not like anyone else is using this name

the Washington Georges

  • or, better yet…

the Washington Washingtons

  • this one just rolls off the tounge

the Washington Generals

  • only they’d probably have a worse winning percentage than the actual Washington Generals

the D.C. Marvels

  • this one would really confuse everyone, but they’d be the most popular team at Comic-Con

the D.C. Snyder Cuts

  • considering their hatred for their owner, fans would love to chant “Release The Snyder Cut” at every game

the Washington Williams

  • it’s a classier spin to the name Bills

the Washington Football Team

  • they will ALWAYS be the Football Team to us


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.