15 Potential Replacements For Will Muschamp

November 17, 2014November 17, 2014 Austin

Will Muschamp has been fired by the Florida Gators after leading his team to the worst season in Florida history since that one winter when it almost snowed. Muschamp was 27-20 in four seasons as the Gators head coach, which is the equivalent to winning the National Championship to Arkansas fans right now. However, keep in mind than one of those 20 losses came to Georgia Southern… at home. How does that happen? I mean, technically, isn’t Georgia Southern just Florida?

While Florida gets back to teaching their players how to block players on the other team, we went ahead and made their job easier by naming 15 potential candidates for them to consider.

Steve Spurrier

Every legend needs a reunion tour, and what better way to kick off a reunion tour than a 23-20 overtime win in Gainesville? Also, there’s like five golf courses in and around Gainesville. It’s a perfect fit.

Charlie Weis

Charlie is familiar with the folks at Florida, as he was the team’s offensive coordinator — using “offensive” in the sense that it was offensive that they called him a coordinator, because his “offense” finished 102nd nationally. But all of that is in the past! Weis moved on to Kansas where he won 6 games in two and a half seasons, which may not seem impressive, but he didn’t lose to Georgia Southern at home. Also, there’s like seven buffets in and around Gainesville. It’s a perfect fit.*

* – The first time anything has fit on Charlie Weis.

Mack Brown

Will Muschamp patiently hung around Texas after being named “coach-in-waiting” for when Mack Brown retired. How ironic would it be if Mack Brown ended up being the “coach-in-waiting” at Florida?

(pic via @nick_pants)

Urban Meyer

Because Urban is probably feeling a bit like Mischa Barton after she left The O.C. for her “movie career.” Barton was quickly building a dynasty with The O.C., but died after season 3. Meyer was quickly building a dynasty with Florida, but nearly died (read: stepped down for health issues) after season 6. Not to mention, one could argue that Mischa Barton’s failed movie career schedule is tougher than Ohio State’s football schedule. In addition, ever since Urban Meyer left, Florida just hasn’t had that same killer instinct.

Bob Stoops

When Bob Stoops eventually loses at home to Vanderbilt, like Muschamp accomplished in 2013, its unlikely Bob will continue his “SEC is top-heavy” campaign. However, maybe this would be the second step in Bob’s overall plan? With his brother at Kentucky and him taking the job at Florida, they would only need 12 more Stoops to take over every SEC team and tank the conference into the ground… Just like Bob would want. *dun dun dunnnnn*

Jesse Palmer

Jesse Palmer would be a sexy hire. Not necessarily because he would make a great head coach, but mainly because he’s just the sexiest candidate. Not to mention, hiring an extremely attractive former quarterback alum would be huge for a program. Just ask Texas Tech and their 3 wins this season! Plus, since he used to be ABC’s The Bachelor, he could give roses to top recruits.

Super Creepy Rob Lowe

Super Creepy Rob Lowe has cable. Will Muschamp has a few episodes of Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper on VHS. While Super Creepy Rob Lowe hangs out at the rec center to watch folks swim, Will Muschamp irons his socks in public. Don’t be like Will Muschamp, hire Super Creepy Rob Lowe.

Cris Collinsworth

Cris Collinsworth is a Florida alumn, and if they could get him to commentate the games from the sidelines while coaching, it would probably lull the opposition to sleep, and boom… A win for the Gators.

Lou Holtz

Shoush Carolina already hash your leshendary head coash, why not take one of theirsh? It only makesh shensh.

Lou Holtsh would help water the grash in The Shwamp, too!

Erin Andrews

Erin Andrews is a Florida alum. She spends most of time on the sidelines already. Plus, she’s a lot easier on the eyes than almost any candidate on this list.**

** – You’re only kidding yourself if you don’t think Jesse Palmer is the most attractive name on this list.

Tallahassee Police Chief

Why not? No matter how bad things got under his watch as Florida head coach, he’d cover it up.

Tim Tebow

Florida fans began taking up praying this season, when they would pray for Will Muschamp to be fired. Now, that they’ve seen the power of prayer firsthand, they’re ready to welcome back Mr. Tebow.

Gill Busscramp

Florida keeps getting calls from a lesser-known coordinator named Gill Busscramp. At first, Florida figured it was just a prank call, but when the caller screamed, “I WILL MURDER YOUR FIRST BORN IF YOU HANG UP THIS CALL!” the Gators decided to at lease give the guy an interview.

Lane Kiffin

Because hiring a coordinator worked out so well last time… But on the contrary, Lane Kiffin actually won a game as the head coach of the Oakland Raiders, which, judging by this season, is incredibly hard to do. Plus, he is primarily responsible for sending Tennessee into the 5-year tailspin that they’re just now recovering from, so Florida should, at least, hire Lane Kiffin as a huge thank you.