The Day The Sports World Blew Up

April 5th, 2010

The Sports World’s Armageddon

The sports world calendar has always been pretty considerate of it’s self and other people’s schedules…

…until now.

Today marks a day unlike any other day in the sports world. A day in which sports schedules clash together like two Greek gods going to war. Or an elderly Asian woman running a stop sign and crashing into another car. (Which ever gives you the better visual.) Ok, it’s not that big of a deal, but there are three important things going on today, that as a sports fan, or a girlfriend trying to impress your boyfriend, you need to watch.

If you don’t catch at least two of these events, you better have a pretty good excuse to avoid the water cooler tomorrow. And being forced to watch Dancing With The Stars is NOT an excuse.

Here are the things you better have your television, computer, FloTV, iPad, microwave, or any other electronic device turned to tomorrow:

Major League Baseball’s Opening Day

If you’re as big of a baseball fan as me then you’re 5’8″ around 170 pounds. And you’ve been waiting for baseball season since the day the Yankees won their friggin’ 27th title. Well, wait no longer my friends, for today is the day. First pitches across the country will be thrown. Including one by Healthcare Reform enthusiast Barrack Obama at the Washington Nationals’ home opener. (It’d be best to leave the White Sox jacket at home for that one, B.O.)

Tomorrow is the start of the 162 game marathon. There will be ups and downs (or downs and downs if you’re a Pirates fan). Don’t freak out if your favorite team loses it’s first game of the season. So what if after today they’re on pace to go 0-162? All you need to do is learn 5 simple words that Cubs fans have learned to live by: “There is always next year.”

And trust me, Cubbies, you probably won’t win the World Series this year. So go ahead and start rehearsing that line.

Tiger Answers Questions From The Media

After over 4 and half months of silence, Tiger Woods will finally be answering questions from the media at The Masters Media Day. He will probably answer questions like, “Will you be ready to play after this 4 month lay off?” or “What is the current situation with you and Elin?” or even “Can you get me your ninth mistress’ number? She was hot!”

Many people are looking forward to how Tiger will handle all these questions on the fly. Others are looking forward to seeing him just return to normalcy. Whereas others are just looking forward to a clip of Tiger Woods with out an ugly blue curtain in the background.

NCAA Basketball National Championship

This year’s NCAA Tournament Championship showcases the national powerhouse Duke Blue Devils and well… Um… Butler. That’s right. There is Duke, coming from the tournament’s easiest bracket and then there is Butler, coming from out of no where. But we must give this Mid-Major credit. They have had some big victories to get this far and have earned it. And unlike another Butler I know, they didn’t blow it in the Final Four.

Unfortunately for the NCAA and CBS, the only people that will be watching this game will be Duke fans, Butler fans, or those who will be tuning in to watch Two And A Half Men not realizing that the show returns next week.

Everyone’s bracket was shot once Kansas kansased* in the second round. (* = kansased: [v.] blowing it in the NCAA tournament on a yearly basis. also see: choking) And for those smart sports fans (yes, I’m looking at myself), you picked Duke to win it all. Then again, bragging about having the best March Madness bracket is like bragging about rolling doubles in Monopoly. It’s all chance. (Pun not intended.)

• • •

It’s funny that we have all of these different sports taking part in today and still there is no sign of the NFL. Well, no sign of the NFL other than the 2 hours ESPN will dedicate to the NFL Draft (which is still just under a month away) by talking about it on NFL Live and Sportscenter.

Hopefully, the sports world will survive today’s clash of schedules. If not, then we’ll have to find something else to pass our time daily, and I don’t know about you guys, but I really don’t want to burn the Discovery Channel logo into my television’s screen like I did with the ESPN logo.

Then again, if things get too rough, we could always send Bruce Willis and his rag-tag bunch of oil drillers up into space to save us. Sorry, that was a poorly executed Armageddon joke. (Spoiler Warning) Bruce Willis dies in the end.

Have a happy April 5th, 2010!


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


One thought on “The Day The Sports World Blew Up

  • Avatar
    April 6, 2010 at 8:18 am

    Zambrano gave up 8 runs and only lasted 1.1 innings yesterday…see you next year cubbies.


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