MLB’s Home Run Derby is tonight and for the first time since the pilgrims signed the Mayflower Compact, ESPN will have someone other than Chris Berman calling the action. Baseball Tonight host Karl Ravech will take over the lead play-by-play mic.

Calling the Home Run Derby can be a very difficult task, so we decided to offer up some helpful lines and phrases that will work well with the viewing audience for the broadcast.

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“Going, going… gone!”

This is a great descriptor of the home run because it lets viewers know of the direction of the ball in real time. For example: If a player hits a ball and it is heading towards the outfield wall, you say going. Then you repeat that. And repeat that. And continue to repeat that until the ball lands in the outfield stands.

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“He crushed that one!”

Only use this line if a player actually “crushes” one. Never if a player “belts” or “mashes” one. The viewing audience will know the difference.

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“Wow!”

People LOVE palindromes, and this one tends to work better than “Mom!”, “Racecar!”, or “Dammit, I’m mad!”

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“We might need to measure that one in miles!”

This line is great because normally they measure home runs in feet, but you’re suggesting that a ball was hit so far, you should measure it in MILES!*

(* – If you’re broadcasting to a Canadian market, please use KILOMETERS.)

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“Back, back, back, back… gone!”

Pretty sure this one is trademarked by a former Home Run Derby announcer. So if you so much as hint at using this line, Chris Berman’s team of lawyers will see you in court. It would make Berman very angry, and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Then again, you wouldn’t like him when he’s not angry either.

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“That one was hit to [neighboring city].”

Oh man, this line is PERFECT! Because you’re pretending that a player hit the ball so far that it landed in a nearby city. LOL! Classic! This line will earn you bonus points for being original. You’ll earn even more bonus points if you can utter this line WITHOUT laughing!

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“This is like watching a video game!”

You can use this line whenever a player hits a ball really far or when a player steals a car, beats up a hooker, and uses a rocket launcher to blow up a building.

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“Aaron Judge looks like the villain in a James Bond film. Good God that man is disgustingly massive.”

Everyone is already thinking it, might as well just go ahead and put a voice to it.

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“Tonight’s Home Run Derby is brought to you by T-Mobile.”

You’re actually contractually obligated to use this line. Failure to do so is grounds for termination.

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“My wife left me.”

If you’re going to break down and get personal on air, wait until around the third round to do so when a majority of the viewing audience has already switched channels or turned the event on mute.

Or if you can’t wait, just do it during Miguel Sano’s turn when everyone will be refilling their chip bowl, taking their bathroom breaks, or just zoning out on their phones.

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“[something in Spanish]”

This will go over great with viewers who only understand Spanish.