Ok, so the day has come.
August 8th, 2008.
Or otherwise known as 08/08/08.
To most, today is a day where for 24 hours it’s cool to look at on our digital watches or even just our home calendars for that matter.
But to everyone in the sports world (well, NBC at least), today is the opening day of the XXIX Olympiad in Beijing, China. Now I’m not going to beat around the bush on this one, but the Olympics are dead. At least in this country.
Mainly because the Olympic Committee keeps taking out sports that the USA dominates in. Why do you think they took baseball and softball out and why they won’t put football in? But that is another topic for another day.
We here at Corked Bats love sports and want to encourage the mediocre sports fan to increase their interest in to one of our countries top forms of entertainment. And what better time to get started than now with the Olympics starting today? Because the Olympics have the widest array of sports all clumped together into one of the biggest spectacles worldwide.
So let’s start basic with an introduction to the sports of the Summer Olympic Games:
This is basically all the water sports. You know, your everyday swimming, diving, water polo, and everybody’s favorite synchronized swimming! Someone please call me when this gets televised on NBC!
Let’s move on…
I don’t think they could have picked a broader name for this group of sports. This grouping includes the most famous of all Olympic Sports and that is Track and Field.
Let’s move on yet again…
A sport that I’m sure everyone has played at least once in their grade school physical education class. I only wish our Team USA Badminton squad consisted of Urlacher and Ortiz!
I am sad to say that this will be the final Olympics with baseball as one of the sports. Thanks world, take our National Past Time out of the Olympic Games! Here’s an idea: Why don’t you other countries sac up and let us play the sports we’re good at! Heck let’s even add football to the Olympics!
R.I.P. Baseball – Thank goodness for the World Baseball Classic.
Let’s go on…
NOTICE: If the US starts to dominate in this sport, it will more than likely be taken out shortly. (See ‘Baseball’ Above) This year we have the joy of watching “The Redeem Team” try and bring the gold back to the USA much like “The Dream Teams” did in the 1984, 1992, 1996, and 2000 Olympic Games.
Let’s roll on…
Also known as cubing. (That was a joke) But this is basically a sport where people get inside a square area, which is referred to as a ring (I don’t get it either), and beat the crap out of each other until one of them is next to dead, or has their ear bitten off.
Let’s carry on my wayward son…
This event includes Cycling Road, Cycling Track, Mountain Bike, and new this year for the emerging X Game Generation, BMX Cycling. Here’s the dialog from the Olympic Committee meeting: “OK, our rating have been slipping for the Olympics. We need something to grab the attention of the younger generation…. How about that BMX stuff? Trust me, I saw it in a movie once!“
Let’s ride on…
I don’t know if you guys realize this, but my favorite college (favorite that I don’t attend, of course) is the best fencing school in the country.
On we go…
Don’t get too excited red blooded Americans. It’s not THAT football. It’s the football where you actually use your feet. I know, I know, lame. But it’s the most popular sport in the world. You guys don’t have to bother watching this sport. USA will probably get rocked.
It’s actually funny because the little symbol that they use for Gymnastics looks a lot like the guy on the Slippery When Wet signs. The irony in that is I fall whenever I walk on a freshly mopped floor and whenever I attempt anything that is Gymnastics. I always love to tune in to watch the Ribbon Dancing event. Nothing will ever be gayer than this Olympic SPORT!
GAY! Let’s move on…
This is a sport that definitely is enjoyable. A variety of a bunch of different sports combined, Handball is fun to watch but even more so fun to play! I gotta HAND it to the committee on this sport! (Rim shot)
Let’s move on…
No not the hockey we are used to not watching on TV. This is a different hockey which we will continue to not watch on TV. It’s field hockey. Which I thought only girls in the north east played, but apparently men and women across the globe play it.
Judo is Japanese for “The Gentle Way”. Which makes sense because it’s a hand to hand combat technique of ancient samurai warriors. Come on Japan! Judo-n’t know what you’re talking about!
Let’s go on…
If this sport is anywhere as enjoying as this clip from Family Guy that I think about whenever I see rowing, then I am going to watch it in this year’s Olympics.
Like baseball, this is the last year for softball. Which I will admit saddens me just as much as losing baseball. Because not only are we going to be missing out on a chance to watch our country completely dominate the world in the female version of our nation’s past time, but we will also be missing out on seeing JENNY FINCH!
Sadly, moving on…
Although it’s been an Olympic Sport since 1988, what is to come next? Air Hockey? Fuse ball? However, the Chinese do take their table tennis very seriously. I mean, check out their venue for the sport.
This is like Table Tennis only without the table. It is also one of the oldest sports in the Olympics having been in the first Olympiad. The more you know…
(Or from the picture, Juggling)
Swimming, Running, and Biking all in one long race. This event is one of the true tests of athleticism and endurance. However, I will never partake in one nor will I ever sit down long enough to watch one.
The good thing about this sport is that you have your choice of which kind to watch. You can watch indoor volleyball like this. Or you can go the route of many and watch the outdoor volleyball like this. It’s your choice. Go Rachel!
This is an original Olympic sport having been in the Games since 1896. However, there are a few more steroids involved in the sport now as opposed to the very beginning of the sport. It is also the sport which I’m best known for.
No, this is not the wrestling that we have grown accustomed to in this country. It’s the old school wrestling which you see in middle and high schools all over. You know, dudes in one-sies wrestling other dudes in one-sies. I’m not calling it gay, because wrestlers could bash my head in in less than a second, but it is a little weird.
So from us here at Corked Bats,
(or Major League Baseball, PreSeason NFL, Little League World Series, or Re-runs of Scrubs on Comedy Central, whatever you will be watching this August)